9:12:00 PM
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I hope everyone has a joyful and blessed Christmas.
And may God's love and blessings be poured upon you all today and always.
Happy holiday!
To me, this is the worst Christmas ever.
I was in my worst condition: I felt lonely, depressed, frustrated, down, angry, disappointed, sad, awful... everything mixed into one.
It was the peak of my suffering so far. I tried to hang in there, to survive, and keep in faith, although it was very hard to do so.
Hope New Year won't be as bad...
11:39:00 AM
So many things have changed since I last wrote. My plans have changed. My environments have changed. My future has changed. Most important of all, my life has changed. It will never be the same as it had been before. God's plans are totally beyond our minds.
It all started from my visa having been denied about 3 weeks ago. Yes, USA is
that paranoid... they won't even let an honest lady with good intention who only wants to study to enter their country. Isn't that ridiculous? But hey, that's what happens everywhere. I heard a lot of friends and strangers whose visas were denied solely due to USA's insecurity and paranoia. You know, I've learned from a dear friend of mine who lost her son a year ago... that when it's God's will, nobody can prevent anything. It
will happen according to Him. So relax, USA!
Anyway, here's the not-so-shocking news: I decided to stay in Jakarta. I'm not going to continue my study in the USA. There's no need in reapplying. Firstly, it's useless. Secondly, the next available date for visa interview is Feb 2003 (yes, they use scheduling appointment method to slow down the visa demands). Thirdly and most importantly, I feel that with the current situations and conditions, this is God's given path for me. I would still like to pursue a postgraduate degree (i.e. master's degree), but as for the time and place, I leave it all to God. We shall see what is best for me.
This is the second stage in my life where I have to start over again. New places, new environments, new culture, new friends, new people, new daily life, new activities, new weather, new everything. After not having lived in Jakarta for the past 5 years, everything is somehow new (and a lot of bad things, too, in that category). I have to adapt all over again and it's not an easy task, mind you. It was such a brave decision of mine, leaving everything behind in the USA, where my life for the past 5 years focused in. I kept asking before, "Why this way? Why now?" But then I realized... it's because God loves me very much. It's better for me to leave the USA
right now, when everything is not too deep, so that it's much easier for me to leave everything behind. Five years, you cannot call that short, but it's not that long. The more I'm attached to everything in the States, the harder it is to let them go. So it's the perfect time to move on with my life and start something new. Who knows what happens in the future? I'll just savor each day as much as I could...
I'm planning on going back to the States to get my stuff, sort them out, and send them all to Jakarta. Maybe in Jan or Feb 2003. Oh, and bid farewell to my friends. And hang out with them for the last time. And visit memorable places. And go to good restaurants that I have craved for all this time. And go shopping :D And buy everything I've ever wanted that's not available in Jakarta. And do all the things I could never do in Jakarta before going back home. Sounds like a month is not enough =P
You know the thing I miss the most from the States? Since my life was there for the past 5 years, I miss my friends. I miss the small group of friends who seem to know me by heart. "It goes without saying", they say. I haven't found one alike in here... except for my dear mother, who is my greatest bestfriend.
Oh, and let's not forget the hardest thing I will have to face in Jakarta: the people. Right, the residents of Jakarta. I need not say more.
More details on the situations in Jakarta next time.
