9:03:00 PM
-----------» music of the mind : sting - windmills of your mind
Konbanwa... I aced the oral Japanese test today :D I was about to feel free at last, but I can't.... Still have one last group meeting tonight at 9.15 pm -_- Mmm... 4 group meetings in 3 consecutive days... Can't believe I can actually be diligent *bursts out laughing* I'm really not looking forward to the last one >_< But I do look forward to getting over it quickly. This is the last work for this week... after that I'm free.... at last! *sobs* And I'm going to have 2 days *gack* holiday (not including weekend, of course). Yeah pity me.... semester break, but only 2 days ~_~

-----------» music of the mind : diana krall - why should i care
I'm in the mood for sad songs, but this is too depressing ._. Mmm... I remember my golden book of memories now... It was hard indeed to forget and forgive. It's somehow still hard until this point. I'm not making any sense, aren't I? I'm reminiscing the time when I was deeply hurt.. and of course it involved the ultimate word: "love" >_< If I take some time now and really think about it, I often ask myself: "Did I forgive and forget? Have I done that and accepted it as my past?" The answer is "yes, I do". It's true. I did forgive, I did try to forget & accept it as my past.... To which extent? I'm not sure. 100%? I don't think so. I still feel something missing from my heart, and yet it has been more than 1.5 years. Why does it take so long? Because I haven't found a new love in my life. If I have found a new love, will I forget it? mm......... *shakes head* I don't think I'll ever forget, but I can close the book, the golden book of memory. And one day, if I decide to open it again, I would smile upon the reminiscence... I would smile because something good has happened once in my life, such a precious book, such a precious memory. But when will that happen? When will I accept it as my past? Ah... I wish life had all the answers. Yes yes, just like the song... "There's always one who turns and walks away.... And one who just wants to stay... And who said love is always fair? Why should I care...."

To forgive is to accept the situation, accept in the sense of not blaming anyone... It has happened, I can't change anything now.. I've tried the slightest possibility to change the situation, but I couldn't.. So I try to forgive and forget...
To forgive also means forgiving everyone involved in the situation.. I forgive myself for everything I did that hurt the others, I forgive the others for hurting my heart... Therefore, in the end, I won't feel guilty, I won't hate anyone, and most importantly, my wounded heart can accept the situation, and I can let it go..as my past.
Forgiving is a process.... that might take a very long time, even years. It doesn't happen in a turn of a hand. But afterwards..... yes, afterwards, my wounded heart will heal, time will help, but forgiving is the key. Time alone can't do.. because feeling doesn't recognize time. I'm hurt, if I don't accept that I'm hurt, I will be hurt.. forever.
By accepting it as my past, I then will be able to close my precious book of memory... deep in my heart. If one day I decide to open it, I will smile upon the reminiscence.... because I have a wonderful memory, indeed.

-----------» music of the mind : elvis costello & burt bacharach - i'll never fall in love again
Mmmmm... what a nice and perfect song to end the rant XD Waahhh... I'm laaaaate! ._.