6:28:00 PM
I don't know what to say.... I'm just tired of myself, tired of people hating me, tired of living my life... Why was I born in the first place? I know this sounds vain, but I really don't see a point to living my life with everyone ends up hating me.... I really can't stand it any longer ;_; I'm not a bad person, I always care a lot for my friends... Yes, maybe because of my sensitiveness (that I could get mood swing a bit easily), maybe because of my opinions... but hey, what's so wrong about being opinionated? Isn't that good? *_* Or maybe because people think that I think of my opinions as the best and I don't listen to theirs, and therefore I always want to win and they get offended? Well, you are all wrong -_- I'm opinionated, and so if I believe my opinion is correct, I would hold on to it. That doesn't mean I never listen to others. Believe me, I *always* listen to other people's opinions and if that makes sense, then I would certainly agree with them. I'm always fair, if not, I always try to be. And I'm a girl, after all. I like to discuss things. I'm not a weak girl who always follows the men. THAT's why mostly are the men who don't like me, because of their ego, because they think they're higher than women, because they don't like to be dominated by women. Is that fair... ? Then women will always be at men's domination... ?? Is that what all those men want from me, that I can't speak out my opinions at all and always agree to theirs and follow them obediently?? What century are we living at? *_*

*sighs*
Maybe that's the basic of human life after all... Men are supposed to be more dominant & women always follow their men. Men like sweet, cheerful, cute, shy women a lot better than mature, strong, tough, opinionated, moody, [fill in the blank with bad behaviours] women. They want to have their women below them, not above them. They don't want to be dominated. They have too much ego than what I can handle, that's for sure. Aren't men & women supposed to be equal human beings? Helping each other, stand for each other, filling each other's minuses with their own pluses, giving & taking.... Maybe the world we live in is not perfect after all. Although there are those rules, people still live like how they live thousands of years ago, in very basic human life : the ego of men vs women.

I can't be the women that most men like, because this is who I am. I might not be interesting, but I don't care anymore. I try my best to be fair, but I don't want to be crushed by men, either. I might not have a man that I like due to my behaviours, but the point in living is not only to get your man, marry, have children, right? I just have one thought in living my own life from this point forward: surviving. I just have to survive (while controlling my behaviours, of course) with my own efforts. They say everything happens for a reason, or maybe for the best... I don't know. I don't see a reason here, except those I've stated above. Is that the best though? Maybe, for some people. I believe not, for many people who are like me. No matter what, I just try to see the bottle half-full, which is very hard... People tend to see the bottle half-empty first. Maybe with this experience (and I've had this kind of experience throughout my whole life, but I can't say I'm used to it. Will you not care if people hate you? ._.), I will be stronger to live my own life. I have more will to survive and face the real world. Yes... maybe..... *takes a deep breath & her mind is wandering* But still..... it hurts ;_; ;_; ;_;